The Beginning
“The only journey is the one within.”
[Rainer Maria Rilke]
I believe in life-long learning. Every learning starts with a reflection about ourselves, who we are, and who we want to be.
Welcome to Spiegelbild! Today, I want to take you on a journey back to the original spark that ignited my idea for offering equine-assisted coaching through Spiegelbild.
It was in 2011, and I was a happy, albeit green, new horse owner. I had recently fulfilled my childhood dream and bought a yearling filly. I would drive out to the barn two to three times a week to spend time with her and establish the foundation for our relationship. That meant building trust, establishing respect (for instance for her to respect my personal space by not stepping on my feet or pushing me around), and developing a common language for communicating with each other.
I feel it is important at this point to provide some context.
Like humans, horses live in a community with an established social fabric and means of communication. Within their team - or herd - roles and responsibilities are clearly defined. Horses communicate predominantly through energy and body language, which ranges from the slightest, almost invisible signals to the ultimate escalation of biting and kicking. For us humans it is important to pay attention to these social norms and learn to communicate in a “horse” way if we want to meet them eye to eye, enjoy our time with them and not get hurt.
The average horse weights about 1200 pounds. Physically controlling a horse, or “making it do something” is, therefore, unrealistic and out of the question. Our intention, motivation and influence towards the horse becomes far more important than exerting dominance or using power. As a prey animal it is paramount to horses to be and feel safe. Subsequently, if we are seeking a partnership with a horse, we must to provide a safe environment; one, that creates trust upon which we can build a lasting relationship.
As far as I was concerned, I was well on my way to building such a relationship. I had found this young horse whom I adored and had fun being with. We seemed to mutually enjoy each other’s company, were developing a deepening connection, and I thought I was pretty good at communicating “the horse way.” We hadn’t had any major conflicts or misunderstandings, so things were going smoothly.
Do you know that feeling when you think "I got this: piece of cake and in fact way easier than I thought”? Only to then stumble across a major blind spot that shakes up your reality and makes you realize how much you didn’t know?
My reality check came in the form of what would become my future second horse. I had noticed her showing up every time I worked with my horse in the open field. The second horse - or #2 - had 20 acres in which to roam and simply be a horse. Yet every time I was at the barn and worked with my horse, she would come, stand at a certain distance, and watch us. People who witnessed this happening started to approach me, pointing out that #2 really was “my horse,” that she had chosen me, and that I should start working with her. You should know that both my horses are from a rescue. #2 is spirited and generally wary of people so, at the time, nobody was working or spending time with her. Originally, I had no intention of buying a second horse. But being chosen by her truly felt disarming to me.
So, I started spending time with #2 to get to know her. And that’s when I noticed. Speaking “horse" with #1 was going well. But with #2 I had to change. It wasn’t good enough to simply be my natural, upbeat self. I had to adapt and learn a new language for #2; one that was softer, quieter and calmer. While the personality of the yearling I had chosen resembles my natural personality quite closely, #2 - the horse that had chosen me - needed me to access skills and qualities within myself that don’t come as naturally to me. I had to reflect on myself, and increase my awareness of the energy I displayed, how I was showing up, and the impact I had on others. And that is how the idea for Spiegelbild was born.
Every learning starts with self-reflection. It was a humbling experience. I started to pay attention to how much I truly was aware of the needs of the beings around me - both human and non-human. I questioned how it could be possible that I was able to clearly describe the different personalities and related needs of my two mares, while I wouldn't take equal time or make equal effort to understand the different needs of the humans I worked with every day. My horses were teaching me so many invaluable lessons on partnership and leadership. All I had to do was show up with an open mind, be present with them and listen - truly listen - to what they had to say. And this lead me to wonder if others could not benefit for their personal and leadership development the same way - by being with and learning from horses?
Our day-to-day lives are influenced by a multitude of both private and professional relationships. However, we seldom take the time to explore the qualities and changing needs of those relationships. This must start with a heightened awareness of what is going on in ourselves, and what is going on in relationship with others. From there we can grow both personally and professionally. How might we, as leaders, change and adapt to provide a caring and nurturing environment for each individual member of our team? How might we lead with empathy and kindness and adapt our “language” to the different communication needs in our team or family? How might we support different talents and help individuals foster their unique abilities without judgement?
On behalf of Spiegelbild I’m inviting you to take a few minutes to pause and reflect upon these questions. I want to take you on a journey to personal and professional growth, to explore your strengths and potentials, and to connect to yourself through connecting to others, one human-horse partnership at a time.
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