Find Your Mirror
(about a 5.5-minute read)“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”
[Mother Teresa]
I believe honesty is the foundation for everything. Honesty builds trust, and trust is the glue for forging any bond, whether a friendship, family relationships or business partnerships. With it you can do great things — for people will follow those they can trust.
As I shared in my last blog, Spiegelbild’s values lie at the core of my own personal values. They define both my individual and my business’s personality. While all brand values are equally important when defining what Spiegelbild stands for, honesty holds a special place for me.
Let me tell you why.
Welcome back to Spiegelbild!
If you are lucky enough to share your life with animals, you’ll know that they show up honestly, as their true self, every single time. This does not mean, however, that they are the same every single time. Quite the contrary.
Are people not the same?
Life is complex and there are many external factors that impact how we feel and the energy we have on any given day. Let’s imagine someone cut you off on your way to work; someone treated you unfairly during a conversation; or someone surprised you with an unexpected kind gesture. Wouldn’t you agree that these experiences perhaps reflect in your mood or behaviour long after the event, even without you knowing?
Yet, societal, and especially professional conduct conventions have taught us to not let these differences show up at the workplace. Ideally, we are to be the same every day, with as consistent a performance as possible, and push through any bumps and hick ups.
I think we can all agree that we are not the same every day. But we can choose to show up as our true self every day.
Be honest to yourself first
We all value honesty and expect others to be honest with us. So why do we seem to have such a hard time taking an honest look at ourselves in the mirror?
Maybe part of the answer is that an honest reflection of who we are — in general and on any given day — can be uncomfortable. Beside our strengths, we will also be shown our blemishes and areas in which we are lacking skills. We might discover behavioural patterns in ourselves that are triggered by certain situations or other people’s actions and lead to unintentional responses.
Self-reflection and being honest to oneself requires courage. And at the same time, it gives us decision-making power. For once you are open to better understanding yourself, you can decide what to do with that information. After all, courage is not about being fearless; it’s about doing something despite being scared.
This might provide another answer to why we shy away from taking an honest look in the mirror: understanding what others experience by being around us, and becoming who we want to be is hard work. And there are no shortcuts.
The only way for us to change and improve is to put in the time. Take a step-by-step approach and keep reflecting on how others perceive us, and how close the effects we have on others are to our ideal of who we want to be.
The reward is worth the effort — being honest to yourself will positively affect all your relationships.
No hidden agendas
Have you ever noticed that you are truly feeling one thing, but outwardly you are displaying something different? Let’s say outward you display bubbly energy and excitement about a new task or joining a new team, but truly, internally, you feel nervous or anxious in the face of the unknown? In such situations your discomfort and anxiety become “hidden agendas”.
Dealing with our hidden agendas is where horses can be game changers as our teachers.
Due to their unique sensitivity for the emotions of beings around them a horse senses what is truly going on in you and so it doesn’t react to your outward façade; instead it reacts to your nervousness, anxiety or discomfort that you thought were invisible. The horse reveals what you might want to hide or what you might not even be aware of. This in turn opens many doors for meaningful change and personal growth.
I am convinced that the people around you can sense your “hidden agendas”, too. The difference is that they won’t reflect what they sense as candidly as a horse does.
How can we be more transparent about what is truly going on in ourselves, instead of trying to cover up? If you are out of your comfort zone in a certain situation — no matter the nature of the relationship — it can be helpful to talk about what exactly causes your discomfort. Typically, other people have experienced something similar, which opens the opportunity to share strategies about how to overcome the cause for discomfort.
Sharing what shows up within yourself helps to establish a new normal, which in turn results in an opportunity for growth.
The gift of honesty in leadership
I believe that in the context of leadership honesty becomes extremely important in order to have candid conversations and provide honest feedback.
Honest reflection is what helps us to grow, improve our skills and progress in our professional endeavours. What is important though is to not confuse honest feedback with positive feedback. Quite the contrary: for feedback to be honest it cannot be positive all the time. But it can be constructive.
Positivity plays a role when it comes to our attitude towards feedback. But it should not cloud the nature of feedback provided. We can decide if we get defensive and upset, or choose a positive and open mind towards what is reflected back to us. Every type of feedback, however — provided it is fair and not ill-intended — gives us a chance to understand ourselves a little better, and grow our inherent potential. Being honest with yourself first ensures the feedback you provide is honest too.
Animals are great teachers in this regard as well. They provide an honest reflection of how a person communicates, whether a person provides understandable direction, and if they actually intend to meaningfully followed through with it. The resulting reaction can range anywhere from negative (“not good enough”) and being ignored (“I don’t understand hence I’m doing nothing“) to positive (“happy to do what you’re asking”).
Honesty is a promise of accountability
To me, honesty means first and foremost that I am being accountable — which includes the good, the bad and the ugly. It is fairly easy to celebrate the wins and achievements. But I think it is even more important to take accountability when something didn’t go as planned or didn’t result in the intended outcomes. Being accountable means continuously improving and thus providing excellent service to my clients.
Honesty also relates to my ethics, in the sense that I am committed to not take any shortcuts. It is a promise to put in the hard work and show up as my true and best self, time and time again; and to be a reliable partner for you on your journey of honest reflection and growth.
If honesty, transparency and accountability are important values for you on your journey towards leadership and personal development, let’s talk.
Book a free discovery call by using this link to book a free 30-minute discovery call. I’m looking forward to meeting you and discussing how equine-assisted coaching can support your honest look in the mirror and the growth that can come from that.
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