The Comfort of Your Comfort Zone
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”
[Arthur L. (Art) Williams]
We all like to feel at ease and comfortable. If something is familiar to us we feel safe and relaxed; we’re in our “comfort zone”. While there is nothing wrong with inhabiting your comfort zone, truth is that staying there will limit you to what you already know. Just because something is comfortable does not mean that it’s what you actually want, or that it’s even good for you. Never expanding of your comfort zone won’t allow you to realize your full potential; it won’t allow you to grow; and it won’t allow you to go where you really want to be. Is “comfort zone” just another way of saying, I’m afraid?
Welcome back to Spiegelbild!
Today’s blog is about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. It’s about being aware of your comfort zone and its restrictions. Because once you understand the boundaries of your comfort zone, and find the courage to step beyond them, you will realize that you can discover a whole new world, out there and inside yourself.
Through my work with Spiegelbild and equine-assisted coaching I have witnessed people stepping out of their comfort zone time and time again. As a result, they grew; they expanded their horizons; and discovered a strength and potential in themselves they thought wasn’t possible. I want to share some of these stories to encourage you to keep stretching your comfort zone. Or, to echo Eleanor Roosevelt: “Do something that scares you every day.”
It can be tough to step outside your comfort zone. After all, we’ve made it a cozy place where we live most of our daily lives, which keeps stress and risk to a minimum. Studies have found that we humans share a reluctance to experiment. In fact, around 47% of our actions are habitual. The trouble is, that the things that would make us happiest in life, that allow us to discover ourselves, and expand our capacity can typically all be found outside our comfort zone. So, we must face our fears and cozy up to being uncomfortable, in order grow and accomplish what matters most to us.
There is probably at least one thing in your life that you would like to change, try, or do, but you are putting it off because you are scared to take a leap. Don’t let your fear hold you back. In most cases the risk of trying something is relatively small, while the rewards can change your life for the better. Every journey begins with a first step.
One of my clients shared with me that they had quite the traumatic riding accident in their youth. They had always loved horses and were mesmerized by their power and grace. But because of that accident they hadn’t been around horses, or sought their company, for about 40 years. This particular client got really excited to work with me in part because they wanted to conquer their fear and reignite a positive relationship with horses. As the equine-assisted session progressed the client grew more and more confident. They became comfortable around the horse and were able to access their natural talent as a self-assured leader. This in turn provided the horse with a feeling of safety and being at ease. Both human and horse entered a relationship of mutual support, trust and encouragement. As a result, their session became one of the most advanced I’ve experienced to date, with both individuals enjoying each other’s company. They even began getting playful with each other!
Stepping outside their comfort zone and facing their fears allowed this client to experience a partnership with a horse they didn’t think was possible. They also discovered their natural talent and power as a leader, which allowed them to pursue an upcoming job interview with strengthened self-confidence. By moving outside their comfort zone, the things that once were unknown or frightening for this person became accessible and normal.
Leaving you comfort zone also opens new opportunities. If you only stay with what is familiar and comfortable, chances are that you are closing yourself off in a little bubble that prevents you from accomplishing what you aspire to in your life. When you find the courage, however, to embrace the unknown you will open yourself up for happiness and fulfillment.
An example of this happened when I was working with a team. At the beginning of the equine-assisted session one of the team members shared that they were afraid of large animals. And a horse definitely fits that category! I admired this person for their courage to show up. After all they were about to spend an hour in close contact with an animal they were afraid of.
In the beginning, you could see this person hanging back a little from their team, and their body language clearly expressing hesitancy, being unsure and uncomfortable. And this is when the magic of equine-assisted coaching happened. The horse partner of the team started to take care of this scared person. He could sense their insecurity and whenever they would hang back he would stop and wait for them. The horse truly took this human under his wing. This in turn made the fear of the person fade away.
It didn’t take long for the rest of the team to notice the special connection that was forming between their scared team member and the horse. And this led to a major shift in the team’s dynamic and their division of roles and responsibilities. The team stopped their exercise and began to reflect on this in a conversation. They openly talked about the connection that was noticeable between their team member and the horse and how they could utilize this special bond to work through the coaching exercises I was asking them to do. Ultimately, they asked that team member if they would be comfortable stepping into the leader role, which they did. The remainder of the equine-assisted session was a beautiful display of the strength a team can find when they support each other, take care of each others’ needs, and how sometimes there can be hidden talents and skills amongst team members that weren’t visible at first glance.
This example shows how someone opened new doors and opportunities for themselves not because they stuck to the familiar, but because they took that first difficult step out of their comfort zone. They left their bubble of safe familiarity, opened themselves to vulnerability and in so doing allowed others to help them better understand themselves. They may not have taken a “walk on the wild side”, but they definitely got comfortable with the uncomfortable.
And finally, stepping out of your comfort zone is the first step of being brave. If fear — that you might fail on some level, that you might look foolish, that you might stumble and fall trying something new — keeps you from going after something you really want, the only way to conquer it is to face it head-on. Instead of letting fear of the unknown cripple you, be brave and take a chance.
I saw this display of bravery when I recently worked with undergraduate university students on a research project that aimed at building empathy as a leadership skill. The students were grouped in teams of three to four and experienced one equine-assisted session as part of their class curriculum.
At the start of the session I noticed one student, who stayed very quiet and showed some insecurity and timid behaviour. As the session went on, however, they grew more confident and began to become more involved in directing their fellow team members. As a result of them stepping up and becoming more present throughout the exercises they helped their team grow together as a unit and adeptly communicate and work with their horse partner.
I joined their class a few weeks later to debrief the experience and discuss some of the students’ learnings. This student came up to me after class and shared that they were very afraid of animals. They had been attacked by a dog when they were a child and this had left them traumatized. The student became quite emotional and told me that their family couldn’t believe they had even participated in the equine-assisted experience. It was obvious how proud they were of themselves that they had showed up — leapt outside their comfort zone — and went through with the experience. At the end of our conversation the student thanked me for offering the opportunity to work with a horse in a positive and safe manner, and that this experience has changed their relationship with animals.
The reason why true self-discovery and personal growth happens once we are willing to leave the comfort behind is that our brains can only focus on one thing at a time. Leaping outside of our comfort zones means we are taking action. And since our brains can only focus on one thing at a time, the act of doing replaces the focus on our fear. In other words, one’s fear fades away.
The experiences I shared above illustrate that comfort zones are places that make us feel safe and relaxed, but at the same time limit us to what we already know. As a result, there is no learning, no progress, no discovery of new opportunities within our comfort zones. It is only when we confront our fears and take brave, intentional steps that we grow beyond ourselves.
I’d like to invite you to think about the last time you did something for the first time. When was the last time you made the decision to tackle something head-on that was outside your comfort zone? Your brain can focus on something else besides fear and discomfort. So, do one thing every day that makes you nervous and uncomfortable, and start to live fearlessly. In the words of Annette White: “Face the fear, even if it’s only a tiptoe outside of your comfort zone instead of a leap. Progress is progress.”
Are you curious about how equine-assisted coaching can help you step outside your comfort zone? Book a free 30-minute consultation through our website. We are here for you — one human-horse partnership at a time.
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