Behind the Curtain

(about a 6-minute read)

“Our destiny is not written for us; it’s written by us.”

[Barack Obama]

We tend to hide when we’re going through a rough time and like to pretend that everything is fine, when truly, it is not. In my experience there are two behavioural patterns that are particularly common during these times: (1) people think they can live in two parallel worlds and separate whatever is happening in their lives — and the resulting emotions — from their performance at work. And (2) people become actors. They are convinced that if they play their role convincingly enough, nobody in their environment will detect the dissonance.

The reality is: (1) is not possible and (2) is wishful thinking.

Welcome back to Spiegelbild!

Are you one of those who wish to have a magical cloak that can make what is going on in your life invisible? Do you question your intuition when you sense something is not as it seems? Do you catch yourself thinking that things simply are what they are?

I find that sometimes we accept too willingly. We might be unaware of our power to change some situations by staying curious, and setting out to explore what is behind the curtain. And we might get surprised by the help and support we receive when we are brave enough to let others peek behind our own curtain, as well.

Our emotions are integral to us. We are complex systems, and everything influences everything. While one may be able to suppress one’s emotions and pretend to be doing well (when we’re actually not), we cannot shed our emotions like an old jacket that doesn’t fit anymore. Hence, we “wear” them everywhere we go.

We all know about trusting our gut, or having a hunch. What is really happening is that we are subconsciously processing information. We know without knowing how we know. So, while we may believe that we are playing our “everything-is-fine” role superbly, our inner emotions are being broadcast to others.

We always impact the people around us and that is especially true when we’re working in a team. This was day-lighted very clearly during one of my recent team coaching sessions.

Sometimes you just need to go for a roll

I was working with a team of four that usually works in pairs, but on occasion would be asked to work together on a specific project. For their equine-assisted session they were sharing one horse. I like this set up because it requires a team to work with the horse as one entity. During a session the horse is constantly checking in with all participants. If the team remains a “sum of parts”, instead of becoming “one” the horse won’t know whom to follow and will show its confusion. This in turn is highly valuable and dynamic input when coaching a team.

I sensed the horse needed to go for a roll before the session could begin.  Horses like to roll on the ground to get rid of “itches”. The team happily agreed to give the horse a few minutes and quite enjoyed watching it roll in the sand. When the horse was done, it gave itself a final, resetting shake, and willingly came up to the team as if to say: “Ok, I’m ready now.”

This behaviour was not only surprising to the team members, it also became one of their key take-aways. Allowing the horse to have a roll delayed the start of our session by maybe 2-3 minutes. But we then had a partner who was present and engaged because its needs and desires had been met. So, how much time did we really lose? I would argue none at all.

The result that the horse was a willing work partner for the rest of the session made up  manyfold for the time “lost” at the beginning. And the quality of engagement from the horse was likely heightened too because the horse didn’t have a nagging need that kept being denied.

So, what would it truly “cost” you and your team to take a few minutes at the beginning of a meeting to check in on everyone’s needs? Maybe it’s as time consuming as refilling a coffee. Or sharing a quick story. Or taking a few deep breaths to clear those lurking “itches”. How much could you gain, not only in terms of overall productivity, but also in work culture, joy, and trust by taking a moment to “go for a roll”?

Diving Deeper

I begin each first equine-assisted session by asking my clients to take the horse for a walk. With this team, however, I noticed the horse was behaving very unusually: it kept trotting away from the group. This is a very curious and social horse and I had never seen this reaction before.

I decided to briefly check in with the horse myself to explore what might have affected its state of mind. When I did, the horse instantly connected with me. This assured me that the horse's uneasiness was somehow caused by the team. The horse was simply putting distance between itself and the energy and emotions of the team.

I decided to split up the group into two teams of two. While one team was working with the horse, the other would be observing. The horse connected with one team, but could not settle with the other. This was very visible to the team.

I asked each team member to share what they were observing and what this meant to them individually, and the team as a whole. The unfolding conversation was very rich and at times became quite personal.

Revelation

Individual team members shared how some of the circumstances they had experienced during the pandemic were still lingering, or remained unresolved; that they missed regularly interacting with each other; and how they sometimes felt alienated by the work culture in their organization.

The most profound change happened when one team member shared their personal challenges that resulted in living with a constantly high fight-or-flight energy. This led the team to discuss how they might be better able to support each other. And how they could create space for sharing and meeting each other’s needs — a full circle moment back to the initial learning of “sometimes one just needs a roll”.

Due to the sharing of experiences and emotions, the team’s entire energy changed significantly. From a high fight-or-flight, and tangible tension, it transitioned into a calm, supportive and content energy. And the horse responded! Throughout the conversation the horse had stood at a distance, as if to check out what was going on and decide whether it was safe to approach the team . Once the team’s energy had calmed down, and there was a sense of resolution, the horse began walking up to them and eventually came to stand behind the team member that had initially displayed the highest fight-or-flight energy.

This was not a coincidence. It was the horse candidly responding to the energy and emotions being emitted.

Building resilient teams

As I mentioned earlier, acting as if we’re fine is just that, an act.

Working with a horse in team coaching offers the unique opportunity to take a look behind the curtain; to discover what is hidden, yet intuitively felt; and to translate this learning into solutions that are tailored to the team as a whole, and the needs of its individual members.

A horse’s honest feedback to a team’s dynamics allows team members to experience how an individual’s energy and emotions can impact the entire team. Seeing is revealing, and revealing is learning.

Through working with a horse partner team dynamics become visible; roles and responsibilities can be tried and tested; and individuals can learn more about the talents, skills and sensitivities of their team members. This can build trust, create a sense of belonging, and thus strengthen the resilience of a team.

Are you leading a newly formed team and seeking to build a resilient and supportive team culture? Has your team faced a challenging work environment or highly demanding project and could use an energy boost? Do you have a team of highly capable individuals, but its members are struggling to become a cohesive unit? Are you looking to invest in your team’s personal and professional development? Then I invite you to book a free 30-minute discovery call by using this link. I’d be excited to connect and explore how my programs can meet your needs.

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