Burnout and the Healing Power of Horses
“Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.”
[Michael Gungor]
My personal experience with burnout can be best described as a journey that was filled with dark clouds, heavy loads of negative energy, and a feeling of being totally and utterly lost. But it was also a journey of revival, of positive change and re-discovery of my personal purpose, principles and values. And my horses played no small part in this.
Welcome back to Spiegelbild!
Today, I want to share my personal story and experience with burnout, and the role horses can play during revival.
In 2019 the World Health Organization (WHO) included burnout in its International Classification of Disease. It is a syndrome that results from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. Burnout is considered an occupational phenomenon, not a medical condition, and symptoms include physical and emotional exhaustion, cynicism and detachment, as well as decreased motivation and lowered performance at work. Jacinda Ardern’s announcement to step down from office as New Zealand’s Prime Minister has fuelled — yet again — the discussion of burnout as something that is a serious condition and not just a personality trait or a lifestyle choice of overachievers.
My own burnout resulted from a high profile, highly demanding project I was responsible for. The work required regular 12-hour workdays, working on weekends, and very little to no time off for a period of 18 months. Beside the extensive working hours, the project introduced a significant amount of change to the organization, while roles and responsibilities weren’t clarified, and the governance structure to support this change had not been established. This lead to regular conflict and power struggles between different levels of leadership in the organization. Navigating both the workload and the “people side of things” was physically and mentally very demanding. As a result, after successfully completing the project, I felt lost.
I didn’t know who I was anymore, I couldn’t concentrate; being in the company of more than two people at a time was overwhelming and exhausting (although I’m an extrovert); and I had no energy to do what I previously enjoyed.
While burnout looks a lot like depression, it is not the same. It is a disorder of hope and will — a motivational hopelessness — that sucks the life out of competent, idealistic, hardworking people.
I started to see a therapist as I needed help to understand what was going on, and how to get better. Burnout is nothing to fix, it is something to heal from. So, I embarked on a healing journey. And spending time in the presence of my horses was an essential part of this healing.
I reached the first turnaround point on my healing journey during a training clinic with one of my horses. I call her my “fiery red head” as she has a big personality, exuberant energy and gets distracted very easily — by everything. As a result, she can get overwhelmed and reactive, especially when riding outside. The specific purpose of enrolling in this clinic was for me to learn about ways to help my mare stay calm, feel safe, and regain focus.
It was the first day of a 4-day clinic and the clinician had asked me to do a certain exercise with my mare. So, I moved her the way I was asked to, and thought we were doing pretty well. When we stopped, the clinician told me that I had missed all of her signs of releasing tension. All my attention had been on the “mechanics”, the technical aspects of the exercise, and my horse’s correct movement. But I had missed out on her emotional signals. The clinician started to talk to me about accessing my “feel”. He asked me to do the same exercise again, this time focusing only on feeling my horse. Once I would “feel her” instead of “just make her move”, I could tune into her energy, convey relaxation and a feeling of being safe, and tap into her signs of releasing. I gave it a try — and my mare changed instantly. This time I did not miss any of her signs, not even the tiniest, most subtle ones. I felt a powerful connection with my horse and this experience became one of the strongest, most emotional and memorable moments of the past years.
I realized that I had suppressed my emotions and the access to my “feel” for the better part of the past 18 months. The highly demanding work project didn’t allow for emotions to surface. There was just too much that needed to get done. Plus, managing the people dynamics of the project, and the constant battle around roles and responsibilities, was taxing enough. Allowing emotions to add to this mix would have been distracting and overwhelming. As a result, I shut out my emotions. And with that, I shut out an integral part of myself. Obviously, this wasn’t healthy. Healing from burnout meant that I had to re-learn to acknowledge my emotions, and how to use them in a meaningful, constructive way.
Horses are amazing mirrors when it comes to reading and reacting to a person’s emotions. My horse made the power of emotions, of connecting “with feel”, so obvious that day that it caused a lasting change in my life. I have often said that being in the presence of a horse is therapeutic. It certainly has been for me, and I’ll be forever grateful for that experience.
“If you don’t want to burn out, stop living like you are on fire.” [Brené Brown]
The second turnaround point on my recovery was when I learned about self-care. I actually had no idea what self-care meant or what it entailed. So, when my therapist asked if I knew what self-care is, I honestly answered with “no”.
Burnout detaches you from the things and activities you used to enjoy most. Learning about self-care, and purposefully including acts of self-care into my day-to-day life compelled me to re-discover the things that bring me joy and replenish my energy. Again, my horses were invaluable teachers on this journey. With their fine-tuned “radar” for the energy displayed by the beings around them they became honest reflectors of my mental and emotional state.
If I showed up to train with my mares and they sensed I was pre-occupied by everything that was going on, that I was not present with them, they refused to collaborate with me. Horses have many different ways to tell you that you are “not pleasant to be around” in a given moment. This can range from refusing to stand still while being brushed, not listening when you ask something of them during an exercise, to downright running away in the pasture and not wanting to be caught. I trust their feedback, so when both my mares showed signs of not wanting to be with me, I knew something had to change.
One of the things I enjoy most about being with my horses is actually not so much the riding and training; it is being in their presence and spending time with them. Since my work life was all about “getting things done”, I had allowed the same attitude to creep into my free time. Time spent with my horses had changed from a “being” time into a “doing” time. And my mares obviously didn’t appreciate that.
So, I intentionally changed how I used the time with my horses. I stopped riding and switched to walking them by hand out on the trails. Sometimes I just took them to patches of fresh grass and dandelions around the barn, sat down and watched them enjoy a snack. This time of “hanging out with each other” made me aware of how important being mindful, truly being present in a moment really is. I started to feel calmer, happier and more at peace, which in turn made me more pleasant to be around for my horses. After a little while my mares started to seek my presence again, instead of running away. Being rejected in this way was a bitter pill to swallow at the time. But it helped me to be aware of how I showed up, and make meaningful changes. It is very true: you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
To really recover from burnout, we must not only change our schedule but also our thinking. I had to accept that what I worked on, what I produced and contributed to was not a reflection of my values. I had to work on identifying what my values truly were. It became a — sometimes tough — journey of learning about myself, of reflecting upon what was really meaningful to me, exploring what living a life of passion means, and how I wanted to live going forward. Engaging in private coaching helped me to re-direct my energy towards future potentials and opportunities, and (re)explore my inherent talents and skills.
Spending time in the presence of my horses, and being open to listening to them, was instrumental for me to recover from burnout and re-connect to myself. The lessons I learned from “accessing my feel” changed my life in a lasting way. Acknowledging your emotions and knowing how to manage them is essential for your emotional well-being. To this day I make room for “feeling days” with my horses. I allow myself to just be in their presence with no agenda and nothing on my mind that “needs to get done”.
Including time for self-care in your day-to-day routine is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Reducing everything down to the essence of what I most enjoyed about my horses, to “stop the doing” and “focus on the being”, opened my eyes to how powerful self-care and being mindful truly is. It helps you to replenish your energy, which in turn sets you up to direct your attention forward, to explore future opportunities and become the designer of the life you really want to live.
The equine-assisted coaching programs we offer at Spiegelbild can help you to recover from burnout. Working with horses offers people a unique experience that mirrors real life, is non-judgmental, and intuitive. Benefits include increased emotional and social intelligence, which can be helpful towards navigating your own emotions, managing your relationships and setting boundaries for yourself and others. Furthermore, you will learn to be adaptive in changing circumstances, which can increase resilience and thus help you stay calm and focused. You will increase your self-awareness and have a clear understanding of your values and principles. Connecting with other sentient beings and with nature offers you a way to re-connect to yourself. All of these aspects become important steppingstones on a journey of healing from burnout.
Curious to learn more? Book a free 30-minute consultation through our website. We are here for you — one human-horse partnership at a time.
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