Translating the Unspoken
(About a 7-minute read)“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
[Peter F. Ducker]
Human society is the result of our ability to communicate. Communication is the foundation for connecting with others and sharing ideas. It is essential for the integrity of our social fabric — whether in a professional setting, or between our friends and family.
Typically, when we talk about communication, we think about written and spoken language. However, no conversation about communication is complete without also talking about non-verbal communication. It has been argued that non-verbal communication can convey more meaning than verbal communication.
If this is true, then we’re living with a huge blind spot. If we’re not aware that we’re transferring information without using words, we think we’re communicating with each other, but we do so only partially. Let’s open our eyes and see how aware we are of what we’re saying without saying anything.
Welcome back to Spiegelbild!
Have you ever felt that sense of confusion when you’re with a person and you have the feeling, they are saying something different with words than what they are saying non-verbally? It can be tough to nail down, but you intuitively know that something doesn’t line up. A mismatch between our spoken and unspoken communication can lead to people being less likely to trust a person.
Research has shown that when there are inconsistencies between the signals that are being communicated verbally and through body language, body language trumps regarding the overall message that is perceived.
This is an area where a horse’s “intelligence” in reading humans stands out. A horse will react to a person’s non-verbal signals; to what is going on inside, as opposed to the words that are spoken. If there is a mismatch, a horse’s reaction will surface it.
A good example for this is when a client — at the beginning of a coaching session — is a bit uncertain about how to work and connect with a horse. With their words they might state that they are fine; that they don’t have any fears; and that they are excited about the session. However, their body language, posture, position and energy will reveal any uncertainty or discomfort. And a horse will pick up on it.
A horse’s candid mirroring allows me, as the coach to alert my clients to these situations and consequently foster a heightened awareness for the unspoken signals of communication.
Becoming more conscious of our non-verbal “language” requires regular practicing. With a horse as your partner, you can train your spidey senses — both regarding your own body language, and that of others and fine-tune your communication to be better aligned and clear.
The Power of the Unspoken
When we hear non-verbal, I’m sure many of us are thinking of body language. However, non-verbal communication encompasses more than just your body language. While other senses, such as kinaesthetic and olfactory do play a small role in non-verbal communication, the senses we use most are our auditory and visual senses.
Auditory signals used in non-verbal communication include sounds such as laughter or screams. They can also include what is called vocal modifications and nuances. Examples for these are changing one’s tone or the rhythm of one’s speech, for example by inserting a dramatic pause into a sentence.
Visual non-verbal communication includes a broad variety of signals, ranging from facial expressions, eye contact, and gestural, postural and positional cues.
Within their social networks horses communicate mostly non-verbally, first and foremost through facial expressions, gestures, spatial positioning and posture. Therefore, it may not surprise you that horses possess a fine radar for human non-verbal communication and tend to understand us “better” when we are consciously using body language.
But what if I told you that switching from verbal to non-verbal communication also leads to better understanding amongst people? During my equine-assisted coaching sessions I often ask my clients to switch from verbal to non-verbal communication. They typically use mostly visual signals, such as seeking eye contact and adopting clear gestures. I’ve also seen clients becoming more spatially aware by choosing certain positions and postures. The increased awareness and intentional use of non-verbal communication has a profound impact on the overall quality of communication. And without exception I have witnessed significant improvement of communication, especially when I’m working with teams.
I have observed that team dynamics become more obvious, roles and responsibilities are more clearly defined, and, in some instances, even reassigned. Giving direction and agreeing on a plan of action becomes a joint team effort that is transparent for everyone involved.
So, if non-verbal signals are such powerful components of communication, how could a heightened consciousness for these signals improve our understanding of one another? And what could be the benefits for conveying our interests and messages?
Complete Communication
Effective communication is essential for developing and maintaining relationships. Accordingly, excellent communication skills are widely regarded as fundamental for strong leaders. Yet, when we talk about communication skills, we seem solely focused on the spoken (and written) language. Why is that?
It might be that we think using words is the fastest, most effective and most efficient way of communicating a certain amount of information. But if we don’t tap into the richness of meaning that is transferred by non-verbal communication we significantly limit our ability to connect with others, the impact we can have with an argument, or the success we can reap in a negotiation.
A person’s body language and our first impression of them can significantly influence our decision-making. So, how can we become more conscious of our non-verbal signals and use them more effectively? And how can we avoid letting non-verbal forms of communication falsely influence our perception of others?
As with many things, it takes practice. There are certain behaviours a person can tweak to improve their non-verbal communication skills. For example, research has shown that it takes conscious effort for a person to frown when looking at someone smiling. Smiling is literally infectious. So, use this to your advantage. A smile can help you to create an intently listening audience that is open to receiving your message.
Furthermore, it has been stated that nearly 40% of a person’s attitude is conveyed vocally through tone and inflection. If you are trying to convince your team of a certain plan of action, try to ensure that your tone matches that intention.
Increasing your awareness for non-verbal communication also offers opportunities with regards to treating team members inclusively and equitably. Nuances of non-verbal signals vary across cultures. For instance, prolonged eye contact might be seen as a sign of honesty and respect in one culture but considered confrontational in another. Try to understand these cultural variations amongst the people you work with. This can help to prevent misunderstandings and foster better overall communication.
The Importance of Energy
I’m surprised that the energy — or the intensity with which we communicate — isn’t discussed much in the context of nonverbal communication. What I mean by energy is not the vocal modifications or nuances. It is the difference in the “buzz" one can feel when communicating in a calm or appeasing manner, compared to an upbeat, encouraging or spirited way of communicating.
In my coaching work I have noticed how little people seem to be “tuned in” to the energy they bring to a situation, or that they in fact have different energy levels they can access when communicating. Using different energy levels allows us to convey information in a nuanced way that can be tailored to the requirements of a given situation, or “customized” to the needs of different personality types around us.
Revealing the importance of energy is another of the areas where coaching with horses shines. Horses are very sensitive to our energy, and how we use that energy to communicate. Involving horses in coaching therefore offers my clients a unique way to “experiment” accessing their different energy levels, and experience the effects through the horse’s immediate, in-the-moment feedback.
I have witnessed the significant impact that being more conscious of the energy we use can have on the overall quality of our communication. Clients have shared that they were able to directly apply accessing different levels of energy when communicating with different personality types on their teams. This in turn can lead to increased trust amongst team members, and more effective and efficient communication overall.
We Ought to Pay Closer Attention
If we regard communication skills as highly important to build lasting relationships and strengthening our abilities as leaders, we must consider a complete picture of communication; one which encompasses both the verbal and non-verbal transmission of information. Our habit of thinking that the use of words is easier and faster doesn’t justify us having a blind spot for the importance of non-verbal communication.
This is even more true in our increasingly digital world of communication. Text messages and emails often lack the subtleties of non-verbal signals. This can, and does, lead to misunderstandings. I’m sure we all have experienced emails that were worded in a way that offended or irritated us only to find out — after some investigation — that the intention behind that email was quite different.
The use of emojis and punctuation is our attempt to reduce the potential for misunderstandings but they often fall short in conveying complex emotions. Voice and video calls can mitigate the lack of subtleties to some extent, but non-verbal communication remains diluted compared to face-to-face interactions.
If non-verbal communication, such as facial expressions and body language can have a significant impact on how information is shared and interpreted, we ought to pay closer attention to these signals in order to communicate clearly and cohesively.
New generations that are entering the work force now have grown up in a fully digitalized world. If we want to keep weaving our social fabric, we need to foster awareness for, and understanding of, both the verbal and non-verbal components of communication. This remains how we ultimately connect with each other.
Ready to boost your non-verbal communication skills and thus create opportunities for the open, transparent, inclusive and equitable transmission of information?
I invite you to book a free 30-minute discovery call by using this link. I’d be happy to connect and explore how my programs can meet your needs.
I hope you enjoyed this blog. If you did, please sign up with your email here to never miss a blog and to access more interesting insights and perspectives.